I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
