dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
