There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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