just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
