Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
