apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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