So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
