Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
