You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Randomize
