Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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