Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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