Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
it glows. i had to have it.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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