why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Someone shattered a urinal.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
