Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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