Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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