You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
