SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
