Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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