Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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