I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
