I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
