I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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