Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
