laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
there was a trapeze. enough said
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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