I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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