You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
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