I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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