Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
