Have you finally orgasmed yet?
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
We were destined to go to rehab together
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
