well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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