My ATM looks so different sober.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
