theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
