I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Randomize
