Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
