so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
