My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
