i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
