This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
