had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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