You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I touched a dick in church today
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
