you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
