I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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