Just mADE A PArabola og urine
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
