Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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