This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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