we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
You took a bar mat shot.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
