I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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