oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
