My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
