I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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