Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
