so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
