someone get that fucking seahorse.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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