You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
