Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
