I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I am available for nakedness
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
