You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
