My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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