I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
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