I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
