woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS