She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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