I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.