how do flat chested girls get laid?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.