dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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