i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
