stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
