this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
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the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
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Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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